2. DON'T wear colored contacts on a first date.
One of my guy friends told me a story of a first date with a lovely women who
possessed, you guessed it, the most beautiful eyes... He made sure to compliment
her eyes more than once, and after that first date, they agreed to see each
other again. Sure enough, the next time he saw her, he noticed that her eyes
were just an average shade of gray, nothing special, (which was fine), but
he had felt so embarrassed praising her on something that wasn't really hers,
I guess it stuck with him, and they eventually drifted apart.
3. DON'T mention your last boyfriend/girlfriend six hundred times.
For that matter, don't mention anyone else of the opposite sex if you can help
it. I remember one of my worst dates with a guy who had managed to talk about
four different women he implied were interested in him at the time. Needless
to say, that was the last date he had with me. It just comes off as insecurity.
If the other person is on the date with you, chances are they find some value
in you. You don't need to point out the fact that you are, in fact, desired
by all.
4. DON'T talk about yourself too much.
It's true that one of the best ways you can get some one to pay rapt attention
to you is to ask them lots of questions about themselves. It's amazing how
well this works. Yet when you're nervous, you might have a tendency to babble
on about your life endlessly, as you don't have to think that much to pull
that information out of your head. And of course, we all know not to do this
when we think about it. I can't remember ever hearing "Gee, she only
wanted to talk about ME all night!...how boring!"
5. DON'T talk wistfully about how many children you'd like to have...
I've known men and women alike who do this. I feel it's important to find out
if a possible relationship candidate shares your goals, but save it for a
few dates down the line, after you've decided that you might actually have
the potential to get along with this new person. Just concentrate on having
fun for now!
6. If it's a blind date, DON'T compare yourself to anyone famous, looks-wise.
Now we all know this never works the way we'd like it to. Sure, most of us
all have someone famous we're compared to. With me, it's usually Jodie Foster
meets Gillian Anderson. I can live with that. But personality-wise, apparently
I'm Carla from Cheers, Mrs. Roper, and Elaine from Seinfeld all rolled into
one. Those comparisons are obviously wrong...Ha! My point? Most people look
like a more slightly skewed version of these famous stars. I have never met
anyone who really looked like the fabulous celebrity they said they looked
like. So proceed with caution. Unless, of course, you are drop dead gorgeous,
then you can say the famous ones look like you...
7. DON'T check out other people!
Ah, nothing is more that a turn-off than to be out on a date with someone and
notice him checking out the girl with the cleavage right in front of your
face! It might not happen often, and it's usually another sign of insecurity,
but if it does, I usually try to have a smart alecky comment handy, maybe
something like "you know, if you hurry, you can get that girl to autograph
the bucket of drool that's accumulating as we speak. Go ahead, I'll wait..."
8. DON'T drink too much!
The best example I can think of is to rent that classic gem 'Blind date' with
Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis. She's the girl of his dreams until she has
a bit too much champagne, at his prompting... Before you know it, he's lost
his job, suit, apartment, car and reputation. It probably wouldn't go that
far, but no-one likes to see you get that loose before they even get to know
you. If the date sucks, then drink when you get home!
9. DON'T assume that he/she will automatically grab for the check.
I hear different stories on this one, but just to play it safe, no matter who
invites whom, it's always a nice gesture to offer to pay for half the check
even if you didn't do the asking. I suppose it works like this... If the
date is going well, the asker will tell you not to be ridiculous and will
grab the check, but if it's yet another date from hell, the asker will probably
want the askee to cough up some cash. My personal philosophy is to always
offer, as it is a new age and I do have a decent job. If he pays, and I like
him, I'll offer something in return like a picnic or an invite for a home-cooked
meal.
10. DON'T jump into the sack!
You know, the older I get, the more moralistic I become. Yeah, I know, it's
a sign of old age. It scares me, and I've made a few mistakes, but this one
I have to stand by. The thing is, I think this rule bothers men far more
than women. Because, guys, if we like you a lot, and we see promise, we're
going to lean towards wanting to sleep with you at some point. It doesn't
mean we've had sexual relations with entire football teams, but we don't
lose respect for you like you say you might do for us. The fact that men
seem uncomfortable with sleeping with a potential Ms. Right on the first
date is something I don't question, that's just the way it is. It's always
better to savor anticipation.