What are the stages of love? Love develops between two partners in several
different levels.
For love to endure, each level is important.
Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction
(2) Romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment.
Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response to a person beyond friendship. This
can further be broken down into two areas:
(a) Physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction.
a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person.
Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters;
throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on
one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first
contact.
b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After
being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find
you have things in common -- hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some
other common ground -- then an emotional attraction starts to form.
An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does
not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect,
since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred.
Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favour
of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. There are two type
of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b) selfless romance.
(a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the purpose
of gaining something for yourself -- like to get gifts, to impress someone
else, or even simply for sexual favours whether your partner is interested
or not.
(b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment
and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through
their happiness.
Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out. Selfless romance (& love)
will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples that have
been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it
can be rekindled.
Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to an intensity
that can’t be ignored. This is often where an emotional relationship
turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It’s
a plateau.
From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must
decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or
will move onto the next stage.
Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association with another person of the deepest
nature. You share you thoughts, your feelings, and your dreams. In true intimacy,
there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate
because of our own unfounded fears).
Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never
ends. If you can’t establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship
may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years.
Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good
and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely
difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times.
If you’ve made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing
to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place.
Love is worth the effort ...
~~~~~~~~~~
By Ruth D. Kerce
Copyright (c) 2000, Ruth D. Kerce
Writer of historical and contemporary romances,
And Webmaster of Addicted-to-Romance.com
