Or DO we know this?

Or rather, are we interpreting this correctly.

The obvious conclusion we draw from the above revelations
is that women are "more emotional." But does this play
itself out in real life? Does your intuition tell you that
women are more emotional? In my experience I would say
women are more OFTEN emotional, and show a greater RANGE of
emotions, and are more REFINED in their EXPRESSION of
emotions, but I've come up against instant male rage too
often to say that men aren't "emotional." I find them to be
massively emotional, under certain circumstances.

And I've come up against male anger when there might have
been other emotions expressed by a woman. When a man gets
hurt, he gets angry. When he's sad, he gets angry. When
he's frustrated he gets angry. When he's hungry he gets
angry. Sometimes instead of tenderness, he expresses
something that looks like anger. Anger . it's been called
the all-purpose male emotion. And by "get angry," I mean
evidencing behaviors, expressions, gestures and symptoms
that we recognize as those of anger.

We know that anger is especially detrimental to men's
health, leading to heart attacks, among other things. Men
are particularly prone to what's called "flooding"; getting
so overtaken by this all-purpose emotion they can't
function, speak or relate. Or they misfire, for instance,
hitting someone they love; reacting instead of responding.

You've probably experienced this when you're trying to have
a discussion about some important relationship point, and
all of a sudden he's flipped into a space where you can't
reach him. Men tend to stonewall - it's so unpleasant to
them to experience this rush of emotion, they shut down.
Meanwhile their blood pressure is rising, their heart is
pounding, and they're heading for a coronary. Anger kills.
It's especially hard on men.

Some men have also been conditioned to react this way. I'm
thinking of my friend Doug, who says every time he would cry
when he was little, his father would tell him to "quit
acting like a girl." This, of course, made him furious.
Therefore, he says, when he gets sad, he gets mad. He was
more or less "taught" to do this, rewired by his father, and
he's not the only one to whom this happened. Doug has
learned to "undo" this training, but it took a while, and he
had to consciously work on this as an adult.

Men unemotional? I think not. And here's a bit of
interesting information about the male brain. According to
" The Curious Mind," by Allen Bragdon, also the author of
" Use It or Lose It," and "Exercises for the Whole Brain,"
the amygdala is different in men than in women. Here's what
he says about the amygdala:

"Lying deep in the center of the limbic emotional brain,
this powerful structure, the size and shape of an almond, is
constantly alert to the needs of basic survival including
sex, emotional reactions such as anger and fear.
Consequently it inspires aversive cues, such as sweaty
palms, and has recently been associated with a range of
mental conditions including depression to even autism. It
is larger in male brains, often enlarged in the brains of
sociopaths and it shrinks in the elderly." (
www.brainwaves.com )

The same reason why it's so easy to talk to your grandmother
about your problems, is why it's so difficult to talk to
your guy about your problems. I think it's safe to say the
amygdala is "highly reactive," and when those "aversive
cues" start - pounding heart, sweating palms - it's
difficult to think. Words are hard to come by. There is
only a primitive reaction, with a press to act, albeit
unwisely, unless you've worked to develop your Emotional
Intelligence and to manage these emotions, and the
tendencies to react on them without thinking it through.

So, yes, men appear to be less emotional - in the lower
ranges. But when that amygdala gets triggered - and it's
likely to where you're involved, or the children - you can
hardly say it's an unemotional response. We see it come out
around sex, anger and fear. When another man puts the move
on you. When someone threatens you or one of the kids.
When a competitor threatens his role as provider for you.
When there's a scraping at the window late at night and he
thinks someone might be breaking into HIS TERRITORY, and
threatening HIS FAMILY. Or when you act in some way that
makes him fear you might be going to leave him.

If you live with a guy, or love one, you've probably learned
to recognize those situations during which it's unwise to
" tickle the gorilla," that is things you avoid doing in
order not to provoke that sort of reaction. Yes, he can
become very emotional, and at what seems like a primitive
level. On the other hand, you have to learn not to let the
threat of this "blackmail" you from discussing things in
your relationship that need to be addressed.

Here's a scenario where this often occurs, bringing about
exactly the result the man fears and doesn't want to have
happen -- When a man and a woman are having a relationship
discussion, and the woman expresses discontent, saying she's
unhappy with him or the relationship and wants something to
change, wants something different to happen. When the anger
kicks in COMBINED WITH this propensity for finding
solutions, he's likely to say, "Then get out," or, "Then
find someone else." Or, as a client of mine did when his
wife said she needed to think about whether she wanted a
separation or not, "Well don't think about it here. Either
be here fully or get out." Or, as a friend of mine said,
" You can't divorce ME, I'll divorce YOU," and he went and
filed (providing the solution), the last thing he wanted.

What to do about this? Knowledge is the beginning.
Understand that men ARE emotional, and HOW they are
emotional, and increase your knowledge of how to cut this
off at the pass in important discussions and interactions.
No one thinks well, or makes good decisions under the press
of strong emotions, and men are prone to get into this state
when you're discussing relationship issues with them. You
can work with an EQ coach on this! There are some definite
conflict resolution skills you can learn and put into
practice and, if you're a caring partner in a relationship
dedicated to mutual health and growth, skills you can pass
on.

I also suggest reading "Anger Kills" by Redford Williams,
and "The Pleasure Prescription" by Paul Pearsall.