It was a pleasant Thursday evening and was raining heavily outside. I was in the bus coming back from my office, busy editing my article on coal to gas technology. I stretched up to lower the window pane since rain water was spurting on my file. As I raised my head out of my papers I saw a beautiful fair dame steeping inside. “Wow she is so charming” I said to myself. She was in tight blue jeans with a partially wet red sporty T-shirt that revealed her fantastic curves. There was no sign of any makeup layered on her face but she looked dead gorgeous. The way she walked towards the seat and grace with which she carried herself with was mesmerizing. She sat on a seat in front of me. I was trying to steal side ways glances of her but her wavy hair moving with the breeze were coming in the way. I could smell her lovely but soft perfume. Yes I wanted to talk to her, meet her, date her and most of all sleep with her. Imagination started running wild in my head.

But then I had to stop. How can I break the ice? What should I say? The only woman I had known that thought that I was cute looking was my mother. Then how can I get this chic turn her head to me? I was conscious that she will spot my bald spot or my blown belly or both. Questions started swirling in my head. What if I do something stupid? What if she slaps me? I would look at her then I would look at my self and think more. The bus stopped on the next stop. She got up and then got down the bus. Opened her umbrella and went away. That was the end of the story. A tragic end. That beautiful girl was sitting close to me for 20 minutes but I couldn’t muster up the courage to even say a hello to her. “Shame on me” I said to myself.

“That was it for the last time now” I decided. I am not going to let this happen to me again. I am going to change myself. I can’t just let life take control of me. Next time I see lovely lady I am going to do something. But what? I had to find an answer to that. I had to. I turned libraries upside down to read dating advice books, scanned tons of magazine and literally surfed through thousands of dating advice site. Most of it was junk. Stupid pick up lines that never work, perverted manipulation techniques that girls are aware of since high schools. But I had to find a solution so I took risk went out and actually spoke to women. Spoke with my female friends, colleagues in parties, in pubs, in get-togethers, everywhere. I was like a data collecting machine. Then I went out in the real world and practiced it. Thanks to my friend Julie who gave me honest tips in the beginning.

So have I found the solution to my problem - How to be confident with a women? Well, let me give it to you straight. Women are smart creatures. They can make out if a man is faking or pretending to be confident. The best way to deal with it is not to be nervous. Understand the difference between the two. While you can’t artificially become confident you can actually stop getting nervous. Remember what happened with me in the bus. I saw her, got interested in her and then focused all my attention on my short comings. I stared imagining the way things can go wrong. I even thought that she may slap me or take me to a cop. Do you think that a girl will pull your collar slap you and drag you to a cop just because you said “hello” to her? I don’t think so.

The best way to avoid nervousness is to make a move within three seconds after you have spotted your target. If you don’t break the ice in three seconds flat then the chances are low that you will break it even in next three hours. Yes that’s what I learnt in all my study and from all my experiences (successful ones). So do one thing right now, write down this line on your mirror or your locker door or any thing that you see daily “ACT IN THREE SECONDS.”

Let me tell you how it works without trying to get into too much of psychology science. Taking a quick step helps in two ways. The first and the most obvious is that you don’t give yourself enough time to be nervous. You just don’t let that loser in you to start talking. That loser will discourage you. So just let him not start on it. By approaching the girl in initial seconds you will be making your move while still being impressed by her (looks or whatever). That interest will reflect in your eyes. Girls love that look in guy’s eyes. But if you go to her late then she would spot hesitation. Trust me women are good at spotting things. Acting quick helps.

But a less obvious and more important and powerful reason why the three second approach works is that it doesn’t give the girl any time top build a Go-Away shied around her. When women spot a man interested in her they unconsciously build a psychological shield around themselves to protect them of any unwanted outcomes. This happens at subconscious level and they can’t help being that way. Bad experiences with stupid guys since their adolescence have programmed them to be that way. By acting in Three seconds you don’t give them enough time to build that not so easy to penetrate shield. A girl will always appreciate your spontaneity. And things will go smooth once you have opened the conversation. I would suggest you not to use pick up lines. Most of the time they don’t work. Once a friend of mine friend asked a lady in a bar “What are you doing in a place like this?” this over popular line actually irritated her. My friend had not only insulted her choice of hang out but in a way his own too. After all what was he doing in a place like that? The best pick up line is “Hi” with a smile – a broad one filled with enthusiasm. Then follow it with a sensible question and give her a chance to talk. Be relaxed. You are not cracking a computer code by typing commands in it. You are talking to a human being. You have been doing it since your childhood. So just relax. Enjoy the game.

Don’t ask straight factual questions like what’s the time? The girl will tell the time and would turn away leaving you with no thread to continue on. Ask her questions where she has to think feel or imagine. For example if you spot a girl, say during interval in a movie theatre then tell her what you think about the flick and ask her what’s her opinion on that. Listen to her and look in her eyes. NEVER LET YOUR EYES STRAY ON HER BODY PARTS. Looking at a women’s body while talking to her or while complimenting her looks without offending her is a different ball game altogether and I will be writing about it very soon. Till then have fun. And let me know how things went about.